Last Goodbye
by wantingchino
Summary: I don’t ask for much but grant me this. Let me hate him wholeheartedly, just for today. Ryan deals with his fathers death. His POV.
1. Obligation

Chapter One: Obligation.

A/N…Short, I know. But it's the first chapter. Just something that was going through my head after having an experience with my father. I'm hoping for this to be somewhere around a 5-shot. Set after "The Chrismukkah Bar Mitz-vahkkah" Seth is away on a college visit while Ryan tries to deal with the death of his father.

Reviews welcome.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

So today I was told to smile, chin up. Fuck you. My chin doesn't go up. Sometimes, days are like hell. The hell that you live in, that you make for yourself. Today was hell. They make it that way for me. They smile and tell me to. The laugh and expect me to find them funny. I put up that finger that usually silences them but they're on some sort of fucking roll today. I go to my room and lock the door. Today's just not my day. Dammit, doesn't anyone get that? They don't get that I've lost him, aren't I allowed to mourn? He was my shitty dad who never did anything for me in my life. Can't I just thinking on that, without their constant little "Lets talk" approach. Cant I remember all those lame ass excuses he told me? All the long lost promises that never saw the light? Let me cry let me mourn. I don't ask for much but grant me this. Let me hate him whole-heartedly, just for today.

I walk out of the pool house, and there they all are, again. God, wont they ever fucking get the hint. I can take it from here. I don't need babysitters.

"Hey" Marissa says, her eyes pleading with me.

"Marissa, please go home. You too Summer. I'm fine, really guys" They didn't believe me. I could tell as soon as the words left my mouth. Of course I'm not fine. My father is dead, but I don't need two girls hovering over me asking if I'm okay like I'm a pathetic little bitch. This I could handle. Just let me brood. It is my specialty.

"Sandy said we could stay for dinner" Summer spoke up. I know she's just trying to help, but she was pissing me off. I told them to leave.

"Please leave. I need this time alone. Seriously."

"Okay" Marissa said. Finally, she'd given up. I thought she never would. Her and Summer headed to her car and drove away. Too fucking bad Seth wasn't here. He didn't even know yet. He would have talked to Seth, but he was a college visit to that cold ass place. Oh well, I'll call him later and tell him the news.

I just woke up and I'm startled. Sandy is sitting there, in the chair next to my bed. Yep, you guess it, waiting for a damn chat.

"Ryan, lets talk" he suggests. Again, I'm not the mood.

"Sandy, just today, let me not talk for just today" I plead.

"All right kid, but I'm here, if you need me" I know he's there. He's always been there. More than my dead-beat dad ever was. Oh wait…why do I care again? Oh yeah, somehow I still feel obligated to him. Obligated to that piece of shit, rotting in the ground.

Maybe I should call Seth. He'd be pissed if he knew I hadn't, although this all did just happen today. Ill wait a little longer, he can handle that.

I walk into the main house and there stands Julie Cooper. Julie fucking Cooper. Just what I need.

She greets me like she likes me. Oh wait, she does. Ever since DJ. And Alex. I almost forgot my popularity with her.

"Hello Ryan, sorry to hear about your father" Like hell you are.

"Um, yea, thanks" What else was I supposed to say?

I've had enough for one day. I beg Kirsten to let me go for a walk and promise her I won't run. And what do you know, Luke Wards back. The Pier always brings a surprise.

"Ryan, man…how ya been?" It's been awhile.

"Good man, you?"

"All right, just back in Newport for a little visit, figure what the hell, spring break and all"

"Yeah yeah. Sounds great"

"Uh, yea, so I heard about your dad, sorry"

"Its cool Luke…we weren't really close. Just wish the Cohen's would stop trying to get me to talk for at least two seconds. I needed a walk"

"Let's go"

"Where" I ask. Perhaps we'll pay Julie a visit, or burn down another model home. With Luke, I can't tell.

"A party, to get them to stop talking"

I think about it. I need this. Hell, I really need this. I'm sick of sitting in the pool house. I'm sick of being told how I need to talk it out. I'm an Atwood. I don't talk these things out.

"I'm in"


	2. Love

Chapter Two: Love

A/N: Here it is. Hope you like. Review.

Disclamier: I own nothing.

Some girl is dancing on me. Any minute, she's going to take me to a room. Fuck. I'm still dating Marissa. At least I think I am. I haven't really thought about it much since his death.

Speak of the devil. There she is. She's been watching me. I walk to her.

"Wasted?" She asks. And then giggles. Damn, the girl's wasted too.

"Maybe" I reply, as I grin.

And then she kissed me and off to the bedroom we are. This is the first time we've had sex since the tent on the beach. And she's still kissing me. But I realize, I'm not even thinking about her. I've got all this shit going on in my head. I feel like this is some meaningless fuck. Like I don't even care for her. What am I doing? I love her right? I think to myself. Damn, do I even know what love is? I remind myself I'm an Atwood and curse myself. Hell, I'm trying to do the right thing here. Why has it taken me until now to realize…

"Ryan" My thoughts are interrupted.

"Yeah"

"You're out of it. Are you okay?"

"I, uh" Ill just say it now. "I gotta go Marissa" I walk out. I know shell run after me but I wish she wouldn't. I pray to God she wont. She will though. And what do I say? Umm, sorry but I don't love you. Well, I guess I'm not drunk because I've never had this clear of a conversation with myself while being drunk.

"Ryan, what's wrong?" I hear her voice but I'm just not in the frame of mind for this. She deserves an explanation, but I'm not capable of that right now. I bolt out of the house and into the Range Rover and I drive. Two hours later. I'm right back where I started, in front of the Cohen home.

I spot my cell phone on the floor in the passenger seat. Eight missed calls. Damn, I'm popular.

Seth.

Kirsten.

Marissa.

Sandy.

Marissa.

Kirsten

Luke.

Marissa.

The usual, well, besides Luke.

I dial Seth's number, not even sure what to say. Oh yea, Ill go with the classic… "Hey buddy, my fucking father is dead, how's your trip?"

"Ryan?" Seth picks up the phone

"Hey, man, how's the campus" I trying to make light talk. No need for shit about dying people.

"Oh, good good. Listen, I heard about your dad, sorry bro" So he knows already. One less thing for me to do.

"Yea, its all right" It is. My father never did anything for me.

"So, Umm, Ryan, Marissa called me. Said you were really upset or something?" She called Seth? Okay, Ill be honest with him.

"I don't think I love her anymore" And its true. I thought about it and I don't. Maybe it's just this whole situation throwing me off, but I don't think it is.

I let Seth go and call Sandy to tell him Ill be home soon. I go straight to the pool house, still not in the mood to talk. And there she sits. "The grandma" as Seth called her. Gabrielle.

"I'm bored Ryan" And I feel like I'm repeating last year somehow.


	3. Needed

A/N: So here it is. Chapter three. Thanks for the reviews. Greatly appreciated. Now on with it…

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I laughed. She walked to me. Was this really happening? I hadn't seen this girl (well, woman) in a few years…and there she was. Standing in front of me, being "bored" again. My hands found her waist and I pulled her close. She pushed me onto the bed, and soon she was on top of me. And now, I feel like I'm sixteen again. Trying to skip some newpsie party. Any second, Marissa will walk in, find us, and then go sleep with Luke as revenge. Okay, so maybe her fucking Luke was a little far off. For some reason, I stopped Gabby. As thoughts took over, I sat there, silently. She's staring at me. She has this intense gaze that can bring a man to his damn knees.

"Another girl?" She asked. No, not really.

"No, umm, I just, I'm a little out of it, sorry. I uh…" Why am I starting to tell her this? "My dad died, if I should even call him that. I just got a lot of shit going through my head" So this was me, opening up to Gabby? Hmm…

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And there we are, an hour later, and she's stroking my hair and giving me advice. It was different, talking to her. She didn't demand it. If I didn't want to, I didn't have to. She wasn't breathing down my fucking neck waiting for an answer.

I woke up later that night to the sound of my cell phone. Gabby's asleep on my chest. I wiggle out of the lock she has me in and go to my phone. Marissa. Marissa's calling and I've convinced myself it can wait. I sigh. It really can't.

"Hello" I answer, knowing so damn well that she's been crying

"Ryan, where are you? What happened?" She's full of questions that I can't give the answers too. I'm too fucked up to have this conversation. She pleads with me. She wants an honest answer. I suppose I can at least give that.

"I, listen, I cant do this. Us. The relationship" She doesn't reply. Just simply hangs up and I know I've screwed up. Not because I didn't mean what I said, but because I hurt her…again.

I go back to bed, wishing to erase this day from my memory.

I wake the next day, noticing Gabby's gone. I pick up the note she left.

"Ryan,

Didn't want to wake to Sandy or Kirsten wondering why I was there. Last night was nice. Sorry about your dad, and Marissa. But anyway, meet me tonight at 127 Front St. 8pm. Prepare to have a little drunken fun

Gabby"

Damn, this girl knows just what I need.

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I go through the day, finally talking to Sandy. It was the usual. 'How are you kid' talk. I know he cares for me, so I listened, and replied as best I knew how.

I told him I was going to meet Marissa. I don't really know why I lied. Maybe because I didn't wanna say, 'Hey I'm Ill be home, right after I go to a fucking party with Gabby, yea, you remember her. Caleb's ex.' Not sure itd go over so well. I drove to Front Street and find a nice house. I ring the doorbell and Gabby answers. It doesn't look like a party to me. No people in the background, no music. I grin.

"A party for two?" I wonder where this woman got it. Her charm, her mind-blowing, fuckable body.

She leads me upstairs and has her way with me. And for the first time, I feel like Ryan Atwood. Not some soft defenseless little fuck. Maybe that's a bad thing, but tonight…it wasn't.


End file.
